How to Rent a Negro
A young black author, Damali Ayo, wrote a tongue in cheek book, “How to Rent a Negro.” “Blacks are once again a valued commodity. In her view, they appeal especially to whites who rely on their relationships with blacks as evidence of their own progressive politics.”
This has been going on since Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights Act. She classifies those who want to utilize the services of a well mannered African American should be called renters and should pay a predetermined renter’s fee. She thinks this will help her fellow Americans honor their country’s “vibrant spirit of capitalism”.
I thought about this while watching politicians and celebrities hugging and kissing blacks during Katrina. Before Katrina blacks were invisible in the South. Daddy Bush even kissed a black child on the head. Sonny Bush, a real Texan, where blacks are rented for football, but occasionally dragged behind a truck by frisky Texan boys, did some Negro hugging and didn’t even have to pay them rent. They would have made a bigger display of their compassion if they had put a few of them on Air Force 1 and put them up in the Lincoln Bedroom in the White House. They then quickly faded into the sunset.
The most lucrative places for Negroes to get employment are at Republican Conventions and events or high government positions. A comedian asked a white delegate at the convention if he had a chance to have his picture taken with a Negro yet. Of course being a Republican from a Southern state he was too shallow to understand the point of the question.
As we all know, the purchase of African Americans was outlawed many years ago. As times have changed the need for black people in your life has changed, but not diminished. The presence of black people in your life can advance your business and social reputation. These days those who claim black friends and colleagues are on the cutting edge of social and political trends. As our country strives to incorporate the faces of African Americans, you have to keep up. Many celebrities are adopting black children from Africa for their nannies to take care of. They adopt black children from Africa as they are more impressive than black children from America.
Renting a Negro offers you the chance to capitalize on your connection with a black person. At any gathering their service can bring a freshness and tension that will keep things lively. This adds currency to your image and events. We could go out for ethnic food every once in a while or bring them to the office for all your friends and colleagues to enjoy!”
I’ve been thinking about renting a Negro to accompany me at social events. That would make me really cool. Renting a Negro child would be more impressive, but our city only has a couple of blacks, so the competition may be too competitive and the many Republicans in town probably have them all sewed up.
Mexicans aren’t as politically cool as Negroes due to the publicity about illegal immigrants. It would be alright to have one as a gardener or maid, but the wealthy have them all employed. They don’t carry the coolness of a black, but make good workers as it is cheap labor and you don’t have to pay any benefits.
I think the only way for me to be really hip would be renting a black companion for social events. If I could rent a handicapped black I would be the real toast of the town.
The election of a black President increased the rental fee for a while, but since his ratings has diminished the rental fee has gone down.