The Last Fertile Man
March 2, 2001
A meteor crashed into the earth one night and the scientists were excited.
Although many new scientific discoveries were made no one realized that a meteor emitted a strange virus that made human males sterile. This virus was very contagious and soon affected men world wide. It was some time before it was discovered that women weren’t getting pregnant.
Nine months after the virus spread noticeable changes were taking place in the world. Maternity wards were closing down and many people including doctors were out of work, baby food companies went out of business, diaper factories closed, and all business relying on babies went bankrupt. Stockholders in all these companies lost all their money.
Our president and his cabinet met to discuss the problem as the country was on the verge of a deep recession or depression. A committee was formed to find the cause and a solution to the problem. After a year long study no conclusions were reached.
A startling thing happened one day in May. A woman from Harlem went to the doctor and was diagnosed as being pregnant. When this news became public the female population went wild. They all wanted to find this husband and use him to get pregnant.
The husband Tyrone, an African American, was 5’1″ and weighed 160 lbs. He wasn’t much to look at, but he was the only fertile man in the world.
When the White House heard of the pregnancy they immediately sent the secret service to take charge of this fertile man. They had to fight their way through crowds of eager women to get to Tyrone.
The government put Tyrone in a suite on the top floor of a fancy hotel. The government now had to decide which women would breed with Tyrone. They had requests from all over the world with offers of large amounts of money to have a baby from Tyrone. They even had requests from royalty. The most unusual request came from ladies from the KKK . They wanted a baby even if it was half black. They hired lawyers from the ACLU to charge discrimination if they were excluded.
The government decided to hold a lottery with women of their largest contributors. They put in a few non-contributors so they would look politically correct.
They also had to decide how many women Tyrone could service in a day. They would try 3 a day with Sundays off and make adjustments according to Tyrone’s stamina.
Tyrone really enjoyed the first month in his new role. He never thought he would be as popular with wealthy white women. He did have apprehensions about performing with the woman from the K K K as she had once burned a cross in front of his house. The lady was polite enough not to wear her white robe and hood on her visit. He was also treated like royalty with room service, new clothes, and anything he wanted.
After the first month he started to tire and had to cut down to 2 visits a day with Saturdays and Sundays off. This worked well for another month, but at the end of the third month disaster hit. Tyrone came down with erectile dis function. The government called in highly rated urologists to rejuvenate him. They tried Viagra and different herbs. They also called in a sex psychiatrist, but nothing helped. The government took away his fancy clothes and sent him back toHarlem.
Tyrone had enjoyed his 3 months of fame and luxury. It goes to show that if you have something someone wants it doesn’t matter what color you are, what you look like, or your economic status.
If Tyrone hadn’t come down with E.D. he could have replaced George Washington as “Father of our country”. 2012—This would have also put a kink in today’s Tea Party’s agenda.