The Beardless Muslim and the Compassionate Conservative
The media that is only capable of milking one subject at a time is now saturated with bin Laden’s death. I wrote an essay about him in Jan. 02. It has some satire but does bring back memories.
Once upon a time a Muslim baby boy was born with a lack of the hormone to grow facial hair. His parents weren’t aware of this deficiency until he reached manhood. In the Moslem world this was a serious problem. The lad was bright, handsome and had a good physique, but without a beard he would be a social outcast. His family was of high standing in the Arab countries and was very wealthy. What were they to do? This had to be kept secret or the large family would be ostracized from the elevated society they lived in. They named the boy Osama.
The neighbors said he was a quiet boy but was a loner. One of his goals was to have his own TV program and get on CNN. When he reached manhood his parents sent him to a foreign school and made him wear a fake beard. This didn’t do much for his self concept.
Osama did well in school, although his social life was restricted because of his fake beard. He couldn’t swim or take part in athletics as his beard might fall off. He also had problems dating as he might be discovered in the heat of passion. All of these things left poor Osama with many psychological hang-ups. He became very anti-social and angry with life. His goal in life was to become powerful and become known worldwide for something.
After graduation he went into business and with the help of his wealthy family he became very wealthy, but this didn’t give him much recognition. The only path to fame he could think of was to terrorize powerful countries like the USA. We all know the outcome of this. He is now one of the best known men in the world. He now has the American President calling him an evil person and spending billions of dollars bombing the people of Afghanistan trying to capture or kill him and his friend Omar. He’s getting quite a kick out of this as he’s not too concerned about the people being bombed and he planned his escape long before the bombing.
His fake beard finally came in handy. He could now take it off and not be recognized. He could even be in the USA in a television sitcom. He did reach his goal of becoming a TV personality. His picture is everywhere and he makes his own TV clips shown throughout the world.
Osama thinks the Bush boys are infidels from their activities in the Middle-East and according to Allah they are evil doers or infidels. This is one of the reasons he bombed the Trade center, but it is really deeper than that. His lack of facial hair has affected his ego. He has spent much of his time in a cave because of his social anxiety syndrome. Some say he was also toilet trained too young.
President Bush also comes from a wealthy family. His father and mother’s families were very rich and powerful. His mother was a very dominating person who led poor George to rebel and led him to drinking and snorting until he was in his 40’s. He didn’ t0 do well in school, but had a good time.
After a few failures in business, he was born again and changed his life style. His parent’s rich friends had him elected Governor and then President. He inherited his father’s advisors and now follows their advice. He should be grateful to Osama as he can blame any mistakes he makes on him. GW has proven that he is a compassionate man. He has been able to kill thousands of Afghans and only lose one American soldier from enemy fire. We lost 2936 civilians at the Trade Center and according to statistics from the University of New Hampshire there have been 3767 civilian casualties in Afghanistan. That puts us 831 ahead. We could increase our lead if we counted the number of refuges who die from starvation, the cold, or land mines. It would be nice if we could get this number up to 5000 in case we don’t capture or kill the two leaders we are after.
He has also shown his compassion by giving us a tax cut. I have our $600 cut invested at 2.7% which will add up in 200 or 300 years. I wonder how Dick Cheney will spend his $2.4 million cut. He even wants to go further by opening corporate tax loopholes to reduce corporate taxes and he feels so benevolent he is going to make them retroactive and return taxes paid in previous years. I guess he wasn’t lying when he called himself a A Compassionate Conservative. IBM, General Electric, and the oil companies are ecstatic over his generosity. My $600 has already grown to $609. I wonder how Dick Cheney is doing.
It’s difficult to analyze these two men as they come from different cultures. They both came from money. Osama had to deal with a hormone deficiency and George had a dominant mother. They are both religious, but evidently have different Gods who justify killing for different reasons. It will be difficult to pick a winner when this becomes history.
I must admit that much of my description of Osama is fictional to make a good story, but my description of Bush is quite factual with a little sarcasm to spice up this dull essay. 1/9/02